September 29, 2000

Strange But True!

Q. Glamorous 10’s tend to marry other 10’s, 5’s marry 5’s, etc., except where a “deal” is struck such as a young 10 marrying a wealthy senior. But what if two 5’s marry, then one of them becomes an 8 via plastic surgery? Won’t this throw off “equity” and jeopardize the relationship?

A. Going from 5 to 8 is rare, says University of Louisville psychologist Michael Cunningham. To be a female 8 requires high set eyebrows, large eyes, high cheekbones, small nose, full lips, small chin, smooth skin, lustrous hair and symmetrical features. “Some of these are tough to achieve surgically, and certainly not all at the same time!”

But significant upgrades do occur, and these can disrupt a relationship originally felt to be equitable. If one now “outclasses” the other, then the low contributor will have to find something new to contribute. This perception can become acute if the improved partner now starts getting more attention from prospective mates.

Disruption is less likely if both partners feel the need for the surgery and support it. But if, say, the woman wants to look more sexually attractive but the man honestly likes her the way she is, then her going ahead with the surgery is symbolic of underlying problems. “In other words, the person may have undergone the procedure as a step in transitioning out of the current relationship.”

Q. If you’re bilingual, in which language do you curse? Make a marriage proposal?

A. You likely swear in the same language you argue in or make love in, i.e., your “dominant” language, because it ties in to a broader range of emotions, studies show. This can be a problem in therapy, where emotion-laden words trigger anxieties, says State University of New York psychologist Jeanette Altarriba. So for some bilinguals, it is better to proceed in their non-native language.

It follows that if you’re a bilingual making a marriage pitch to another bilingual, you’ll want to use his or her first language if you feel you’ve got a lock on your target’s emotions. But if you sense strong doubts, the person’s second language may be the better pick, aiding the brain’s rational part in “shouting down” the linguistically handicapped emotional part.

“Si! Si!” Then seal it quickly with a kiss.